Fingerprints of God

Steven Curtis Chapman’s song Fingerprints of God always brings tears to my eyes, especially when I look at my little Gemma.  For those of you who don’t know me personally let me catch you up on the last 5 years.  My husband and I bought our first house, I became a Jazzercise instructor, I’ve had 2 miscarriages, I had a baby, and in the last 6 months I’ve been diagnosed with 2 different types of cancer.  October 1, 2012 I received the diagnosis of Malignant Melanoma from my dermatologist.  I had a mole behind my right ear become larger during my pregnancy, and when I went in to have it taken off my doctor said, “It looks angry, but it will most likely come back as nothing.”  She said this because it was not a typical looking melanoma.  It wasn’t odd shaped, or uneven, and it wasn’t black.  It was round, large, and red.  I was referred to our local cancer center where I had surgery to excise an area around the cancer site to make sure there was none left on the skin, and they removed 3 lymph nodes to make sure it had not gone internal.  Praise God, thank you Jesus it had not!  From the cancer site behind my ear all the way down to my collar bone I had 8 total lymph nodes total show up.  Since they only took 3 they are following me every 4 months with ultrasounds on the remaining lymph nodes.  February was that first follow up appointment.  During the ultrasound they found a 1cm nodule on the right side of my thyroid.  After seeing that and not liking the way it looked they had me come in for an ultrasound guided needle biopsy.  Those results were positive for Papillary Thyroid cancer.  Here is my gem for the week.

Having 2 miscarriages and 2 kinds of cancer within 5 years is faith shaking stuff.  I remember thinking after the miscarriages, “Why do women who do drugs, and drink, and abuse their babies get to keep theirs and I don’t!”  I was angry, depressed, broken, hurt.  I was blaming myself for losing those babies.  It had to be something that I did because my God wouldn’t let that happen to someone who loved him.  Or would he?  In my pain I was seeking comfort from somewhere.  Then a good friend of mine sent me a book that turned me back to the Lord’s word.  Psalm 139:13-16 says…
13For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.

After reading that I had to ask myself, “If all the days ordained for me are written down before I ever came to be, then that has to apply to my babies too, right?”  Next question, “If 8 weeks and 6 weeks is all those babies were given to live, then what was their purpose in my life?”  For a good bit of time I didn’t know what their purpose was.  I was still angry and trying to blame something or someone.  My marriage during this time was not what it should be, and I was taking out my anger on my husband.  Getting into all those details is a whole other blog so I won’t go there right now.  Angry and hurt I still kept looking back at the Word and finally one day the Lord revealed to me what purpose those babies had.  I had never had anything happen to me where I really needed to rely on the Lord.  Yes, I did devotionals and went to church and such, but to really need the Lord is something different.  He showed me that I needed to go to Him, that He was what I needed.  He didn’t create my husband to give me what I need, that is His job.  He showed me that even if all I ever had is Jesus and my husband that is enough.  I learned a lot during those days.  It makes me think of the Israelites wondering through the desert.  God needed to get me where he wanted me before I came into the Promised Land. 

Getting diagnosed with cancer with a little baby to take care of was a whole new mountain for me.  My husband and I were driving back from North Carolina when I got the call from my dermatologist.  They told me I had Malignant Melanoma and made an appointment for me to come in and talk.  I hung up the phone, told my husband, who was driving, and we lost it.  We had to get off the road so we pulled off at a little gas station somewhere in South Carolina.  We cried and called family and friends, and had a little melt down.  We bought some pop and got some junk food before we got back on the road again.  For those who know me, you know I had potato chips and Smarties, lol.   As we were pulling out there was a tow truck that had backed in near the entrance of the gas station.  I remember it was an older Chevy truck that had been turned into a tow truck.  It was maroon with gold glittery cursive writing on the hood.  It said, “In Jesus’ Name.”  I took a deep breath and let all those lessons I learned from the miscarriages flood back into my mind again.  “Ok, Lord, you are in control.  You have given me a husband, and a Gem.  You let this cancer come into my life.  Use it, I’m yours.”  Twenty minutes later I get a call from my Pastor to pray with me.  I love my church!  I was put in contact with another woman who was going through Melanoma too.  We prayed with each other and praised with each other when everything came back clear on both of us.  God is so good.  This time when I got the call that I had thyroid cancer the first thing my husband and I did was pray.  I’m realizing that the Lord will take us through a desert or have a whale swallow us to get us where He wants us to be, and once we’re there He will throw us into a fire so we can be a witness to others for His Glory.  (Daniel 3) 

I can see God’s fingerprints on my life these past 5 years.  I can see his hands working to make me more like Jesus.  This made me realize that as a follower of Jesus I leave his fingerprints on things too.  When I speak to my husband, when I touch my baby, when I hug my mother, when I laugh with my sisters, I leave the fingerprints of God with how I live. 

“Just look at me
I’m a wonder in the making
And God's not through
In fact, He's just getting started!

Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing, Shelon! It is definitely His work in us that is the only thing worth looking at! To Him be ALL the glory! I am learning to say "thank you" for every lesson He walks me through, even in the hard part where I don't yet understand what He is teaching me. There is peace in that, knowing that He is the one leading and I can simply obey.

    One of my favorite scriptures that I constantly hold on to is 2. Cor. 2:14 "But thanks be to God, who in the Messiah constantly leads us in a triumphal procession and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of what it means to know him!" (Complete Jewish Bible)

    Praying for you and your family in this time, and praising the Lord that in all of this He is with you and leading you and filling you with His love and strength! Thank you for letting Him work in your life and use it for His glory. Blessings and love,
    Amy

    ReplyDelete
  2. Neat! It's always nice to hear of praise to the Lord when we have learned something. Your dross is being refined and you will be made pure gold for our Father's glory. We all have some troubles in life and faith and character shows in how we handle it. Keep on trusting the Lord, For He careth for you, and stay in His Word. <3 I really received a blessing and will continue following your blog. :) Thanks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gina, Thank you for your words of encouragement! I am honored that you read my blog, and touched that the Lord used it to bless you today :-) I will post again soon. I'm having surgery on Thursday so I'll have some free time when I'm recovering. Peace, Love, and God Bless! Shelon

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Thief on the cross

Seeing Jesus in Easter Eggs